Last week I spoke about taking a rest. I know that for some of us that is a difficult thing to do. When I was doing Kid's Club I was busy planning, implementing, and doing. I also was doing worship on Sundays, plus every four months or so I would have to prepare a sermon. I knew what I was getting into but at a point I was feeling so stressed. Even with that on my plate, if something came up that needed to be done, I was the first to volunteer.
There were days when I felt that if I stopped I would cease to exist. That my worth was measured in the things that I did. My kids would always remind me that I could say NO. No, what does that mean? That is not a word in my vocabulary. Even my body was getting in on the game. My joints were inflamed, I ended up in a sling for a shoulder injury, and I was bringing home work from my job as well as the church, using every hour that I could to make sure all was complete.
You wanna know what happened, I crashed and burned HARD. I started to hate Kid's Club, resented the church, and became unhappy at work. That crash turned into a deep depression that I never thought I would come out of. All the stress also caused my Lupus to become active again, which terrified my kids and husband greatly. I have done damage to my body that will never heal fully.
I was taught a lesson by God that has brought me back from the edge. I don't have to do everything. I don't have be all I can be. I can say no and still exist. Setting boundaries was the lesson. Now I am not saying that I have been able to totally say no all the time. In fact my kids still remind me that I can. I just have learned to rest, to exist in the happy place that God has built for me and enjoy life. I still do things for the church, Kid's club is on hold, and my time has been used to blog and prepare a devotional for Worship/Prayer on Tuesday night. When I am tired, I prioritize that which is important. My self-worth comes from know that I am a child of God, and He is pleased with me. I don't have to prove a thing to Him.
I am a Child of God!
Yours in Christ
Heather
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