My birth was a tense one for my parents, my grandmother didn't like my father as a person and she didn't hide it from people. That was something about my grandma that I liked, she was not a lady that shied away from speaking her mind. Even if in doing so, she caused a problem that would rear it's head years later.
My parents were in their teens when I was born. My grandma denied my father access to me at the hospital. Luckily for my father the Dr. allowed him to see me, that would be the first time and at that moment he thought the last. Life went on for both of us, he had three other children with my stepmother and my mother married my stepfather and had two more children. I lived a harsh 18 years with my mother and escaped on a two and a half day travel by Greyhound to meet my father for the first time. I was scared, excited, and free. The further away from the stress and endless terror I was leaving in Ontario and heading to uncertainty and newness in Alberta was a lot for a teenager who just wanted to be dead.
Arriving in Alberta went better than I thought, things went smoothly until my father realised that it was hard to parent a child who was now considered an adult. That made for a tense relationship that became even more tense once I had my own children. I am not sure if he felt that he missed out on raising me and learning the horrible things happened to me, that my father felt that he had the right to step in and take over. We had fought many times about how I was raising my children until my children got old enough to stand up to him. I will admit years of abuse makes a person lose the ability to stand up for themselves. It is this that caused a rift that lasted 7 years.
I had forgiven my father for the words that cut my deep, most being "I ruined his life" something I had heard many times in my life. As Jesus stated you have to forgive, but you do not need to reconcile. Forgiveness is more for us to release our hurt and madness. I was quite happy having forgiven and not having to see him again but Jesus had other plans for me.I began to struggle with having a new baby in the house and not being able to share it with my father. Jesus laid this so heavy on my heart that I found myself crying when thinking about losing my father permanently. Never having the chance to receive the apology that I was seeking or to share the forgiveness that I had given. Atreus bridged that gap, with the help of my son, and I went with them to see my father. God healed us that day, an apology for words that should have been left unspoken, guilt set free by hearing the words from his daughter. I forgive you Dad. A new journey towards the woman of Christ that God wants me to be. So I ask you, is there anyone in your life that you have forgiven but God wants you to reconcile with? Is there someone you hurt that you need to apologise to? What is holding you back? Can you look at your life and die tomorrow with no regrets? Now is the time to face this, tomorrow is never promised.
Yours in Christ
Heather
Forgive Our Sins as We Forgive - Koine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HixCQUirJxg
Forgiveness - Matthew West https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMn0QNdiuGE
Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word - Elton John https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3nScN89Klo (not traditional christian worship, but say so much)
Start Somewhere - Toby Mac https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rT7Zci7LQQ
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